A/N: Another update! Reads and Reviews would be great! I’m really glad with the messages I’ve been getting on here and tumblr but please I would love your reviews!
Disclaimer: Queen JK has created a masterpiece and on top of it all she has let people like me create what can only be called mini-successes. My story is far from being the best Marauder fanfic, but I’m really proud of what I’ve been writing. So thank you JK Rowling!
Y6: The Pain of Yesterday
The gates, they’re right there. Right there! No, Professor, don’t close them! We’re coming! Wait. WAIT! Quicker! I’m running, Professor. I’m 20—no 15—steps away! Please, hold it. Don’t close yet! I’m—
His eyes slowly fluttered open. His head was spinning and he felt nauseous. The coverings above his bed felt like they were buzzing about. Wait, he was in his bed. How did he get here? He was supposed to be in Hogsmeade. He was supposed to be saving the boys… getting them out safely.
He tried to sit up but his back—oh how it ached with every movement. He fell back to the bed taking deep breaths as he felt the sharp pain in his lower spine. He tried to sit up again but cried out in pain as he flopped back down.
"James," Peter threw open his bed curtains rushing to his side.
"P-Peter?" James said watching as his friend blurred through his vision, "w-w-where is everyone?"
"Sirius and Remus are downstairs," Peter hurried his words out, "they’re having a house meeting… after everything that happened."
"And Lily," James said worried, "where is she? Is she okay?"
Peter sighed, “Yes she’s—well, I mean she’s alive if that’s what you’re asking. She’s just—well, she’s still in the Hospital Wing.”
"What’s happened to her?!" James said frantically trying to push back up but unable to do so.
"Oh no, that’s not what I meant," Pete apologized, "She’s been helping out Pomfrey for the last few hours. She comes to check on you though."
"She does?" James said surprised.
Peter nodded, “She should be here soon. She comes every hour, on the hour.”
"How many times as she come?"
"Eight?! How long have I been out for?" James said frantically!
"At least ten," Pete said jumping back with surprise, "It’s nearly three in the morning. You were hit and we rushed you to the Hospital Wing but it was all hectic in there so Sirius brought you here and Lily, well, once she got herself together, she kept checking on you."
"Merlin," James ruffled his hair, "ten hours."
Pete sighed, “And Evans says you have to stay here for the next few days. She hopes to move you to the Hospital Wing. They’re still—well, they’re still cleaning it.”
"What do you mean, cleaning?"
Peter struggled for the words, “The bodies. A lot of people died, James, they had to move the bodies.”
Peter nodded, “They moved her hours ago, mate.”
Peter shrugged, “Wherever the other ones went, I guess.”
James chest heaved as he recalled how he had carried Mary. He could never forget that; not the chill of her body or the gray of her skin, not the glassy eyes that he had to close or the snow that clung to her hair.
"For the love of Merlin and his big saggy balls," Sirius said throwing open the door and sitting on his bed looking to Remus who followed him, "You would think people would want to go active!"
"Si," Remus sighed, "a lot of people died today—James?"
Remus squinted through the dark of their room. James put up a hand still in too much pain to move.
"Prongs!" Sirius cheered rushing to his side, "You’re alright!"
James let out a puff of air, “I wouldn’t say that, mate. I can barely move.”
"Lily said that might happen," Remus frowned, "It’s understandable."
"What happened?" James wondered.
Remus looked to Sirius and Sirius looked away ashamed as he mumbled, “My cousin did. Bellatrix, she hit you with something. We’re not exactly sure, but Lily and Pomfrey think it may have been an attempt at the Cruciatus. Apparently, she didn’t do it right… but it knocked you out cold.”
James bit the side of his cheek. Bellatrix. A Slytherin. Of course!
James laughed and Remus looked at him concerned, “Are you alright mate?”
James nodded still laughing, “It’s just… well we made it past Lord Voldemort’s actual death eaters… THREE TIMES! … And you have to admit that it’s hilarious! I mean of course Bellatrix would get me! … Of course a damn Hogwarts student would be the one to hit me! Not a death eater! Not even someone who can cast a proper Unforgivable! …It’s just funny is all.”
Sirius glared at him, “Yeah, mate, hilarious.” He stood and walked to his bed shutting the curtains around him.
"James, I think you need—" Remus started but was interrupted by the light of the Common Room filling their dormitory.
Lily Evans slowly walked in flicking on the light, “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
The boys shrugged, no one really thought about turning it on as the lamp by Remus’ bed had already been on.
"Oh, Potter," Lily said surprised to see him awake, "I didn’t think you’d be up yet."
James smiled slightly, “Can’t move though.”
Lily went to his side pushing back Peter who went to stand by Remus. She pulled off his comforter and poked at his legs. She lift them up and James hadn’t flinched. However, he also didn’t feel them. Lily had to use all her strength to try to straighten and bend them. James tried not to panic in front of her.
"You don’t feel anything?" Lily set down his legs and rubbed her forehead as she thought.
James shook his, “Not in my legs at least. Whenever I move my back though, well, I feel that. It really hurts like… very badly.”
Lily let out a long sigh, “I knew it.”
"What did you know?" Remus interrupted.
"He was hit with a faulty Cruciatus Curse, I mean we already figured that," Lily explained, "but I knew he’d wake up paralyzed."
"PARALYZED?!" James shouted and Sirius jogged over to the group again.
Lily shook her head, “Temporarily. A week maybe, two at the most.”
"How do you figure that?" Remus wondered.
"He was hit in his left hip," Lily pointed where not wanting to actually touch him the moved her hand to the other side of his waist, "the curse not only damaged his left leg but it ruptured over to the right side of the hip causing the right leg to temporarily be immobile."
"Evans, I don’t know what you’re saying," James said shaking his head.
Lily looked at him annoyed, “All you need to understand was that it wasn’t your spine that was hit. If it had been then there is a chance that you wouldn’t ever be able to walk again. The fact that you were hit in your left hip means that you will have a bit of pain in your left leg, your right leg will heal within the next few weeks, and your back will stop hurting in a matter of days.”
James nodded, “What kind of pain in my left leg?”
Lily bit her lip, “I really can’t determine that right now. Most likely it will just hurt if you stand or walk for a really long period of time. But then again, it could hurt with every step you take. It’s too early to tell.”
James looked away annoyed with the whole situation.
Lily put a hand on his arm, “I really am sorry, Potter.”
He didn’t respond. Lily looked at the other three nodding her head for them to leave her with him for a moment.
"I want to thank you," Lily whispered to him, "I could’ve died out there and… and you got me out."
"You don’t nee—"
"No," Lily said as James brought his eyes to hers, she began to tear up, "You saved me. And you got Mary out too. And I know… I know she was already dead, but I couldn’t leave her there. I couldn’t—"
Lily’s tears came out rapidly and she bit her hand to stop from crying out. James heart began to break as he watched her fall apart in front of his very eyes. He had never seen her so torn up. He had never wanted to see her like this. She didn’t deserve this. No one did.
He took her hand in his, hushing her, “It’ll be okay, Evans. It’ll be okay.”
Lily shook her head, “Don’t say that. You know it won’t.”
James moved his hand up to her face, “All I know is that I still hope.”
Lily pulled away from him, she stood walking out without a goodbye. She couldn’t stay there. Every time she looked at him, she thought of how he had carried Mary. Every time he touched her, she thought of how he had dragged Mary through the tunnels. And his eyes looked dead and old and scared, but he spoke of hope. What hope was there now? Lily had lost too many already to Voldemort; and it would just be the beginning. How could she hope for a better future? How could she be happy? Death surrounded her. War surrounded her. She was falling apart. Everything felt like dust at her feet, something she couldn’t hold on too yet clung to her.
She found herself on the seventh floor of the castle. She struggled to walk further. She’d stumble and find herself leaning on the wall as she cried. When she reached the end, she headed back where she came. She couldn’t stay still and she couldn’t stop crying. She found herself crawling as she passed through the hall way for the third time. Her eyes were too blurry as she curled on the floor crying. She lay there for moments then rolled on to her back. When she turned her head, she saw a door. It wasn’t any door, it was a door that shouldn’t have been there. Or perhaps she had just never noticed it.
Still crying, she slowly stood and made her way to the door. She pushed weakly and it opened at her touch. She stumbled in to the brightly lit room. In it was a single bed, one that looked like hers at home. Next to the bed was a box of tissues. Lily looked around and no one was there. She slowly made her way to the bed. She lowered herself to it and began to cry again. Her face was in her hands as she fell to the bed.
Mum and dad. I should have been there. Dammit! I shouldn’t have let them go! It was my fault… it was my—
Mum, I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to be there. It was supposed to be mine and dad’s day. And I shouldn’t have let either of you go without me! I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault! You’re—you’re dead and it’s my fault.
She remembered how cold the wind was that morning. She had just been getting over the flu. And it was the day of a local football game. The Wimbly Wobblers, her dad’s favorite team. But it was her mother who told her she wasn’t allowed to go. She had begged and pleaded and argued with her mother, but she remained in bed that day. She wanted to insist that her father wouldn’t go without her; it was supposed to be their day. But feeling guilty after arguing with her mother, she convinced her to go.
That’s when an owl arrived for her and her sister. Then a ministry official. Then St. Mungo’s. Then a blur of chaos. Late nights. Out on the streets. Locked in her room at her aunt’s home. Pain. And darkness. And misery. And guilt. …. And regret.
It was her fault her parents died. She let them go.
Just as she had let Mary go.
If she had stopped Mary a moment sooner, just a second, she’d still be alive.
If she had forgiven her weeks before, or even a day before, she’d still be alive.
If only Lily hadn’t been such an idiot, Lily wouldn’t have lost her mother or her father or her best friend.
Mary, I’m so so sorry. I forgive you! I forgive you! I was such an idiot! I love you! I love you Mar—I really do! I’m so sorry! You need to come back to me. I can’t do this alone. Please, I need you. I love you and I need you here with me. We lost so many people today, I can’t lose you. Not you, please.
And Lily fell asleep hours later after pleading with God, Merlin, and the universe to bring back her Mary. But it would not be so. And her dreams of course were filled with those final moments with her and everything that followed. She could feel that wind of the last day of her parents as she dug through the snow to get to Mary’s body, but every time she was already dead. Every time.
CHECK OUT your differences in wand technique here and how fluidly and casually Ron throws a curse in comparison to Harry and Hermione Hermione has done the reading and is technically perfect of course Elbow straight; wrist bent Wand tip aligned with left sightline left arm held loosely behind her for balance Harry hasn’t ever done the reading Grip too tight; elbow locked Shoulders raised Left elbow cranked in awkwardly against his body Kids’ll imitate his awful technique and Junior Aurors it’ll make their parents nuts; don’t twist your neck like that I don’t care what Auror Potter does When you save wizardkind you can hold your wand however you want until then drop your shoulders Ron’s been around wand users since birth practiced with twigs and then his brothers’ wands Look at how the movement flows from his center the way he uses his whole body throws out his opposite hand behind him to counterbalance the movement Harry and Hermione get their wands into position and then throw the curse Ron’s spell starts mid-motion because he knows his wand will be in position in time (helenish)
There will be a day when I see this and I will scroll past.
Today is not that day